Delicious

I am struggling to modulate my emotions. I feel bad, and I think I know why, but I can't figure out how to get past it. Donuts and breakfast sausages just arrived at work, and when I eat them, I feel better, even though I'm not really hungry.

Drinking, eating, working are some of the ways I have used to cope with pressure, and it doesn't take a genius to know the ways that each one of those can lead to problems.

Alcohol helps me to suppress emotions, usually the negative ones (though incentive this isn't always acknowledged as a craving's biggest factor), and perpetuates depression for hours or days after the drinking stops.

Destructive eating can help for a minute, and its negative effects - especially obesity - take longer to arrive than alcohol's.

Working is probably the healthiest of the three, not because it's the one most accepted in our culture. If I could quell anxiety/sadness/loneliness through a heavy bout of achievement, either at work or at home, I would be well on my way to a healthier life. The negative aspects of workaholism are subtle, and can be easy to manage if the -aholism is removed. An eight hour bout of intense work as a means of coping with life's pressures is good when any accompanying stress is kept out of a happy home life. Sixty hours a week that lead to a lonely spouse or unguided child is often rationalized, and regularly admired, and something I hope never to do for more than three or four weeks in a year.

I just took the last snack, even though I knew it wouldn't help. If I could think of it as a guilty pleasure, I would avoid the extra pain brought by perfectionism and self-punishment. Being aware of what was happening is a big step forward. Next is to learn discipline enough to stop before my stomach explodes, or never to start the guilty pleasure as an escape mechanism. Today it was easy; I hope tomorrow they don't bring more!